Motherless Daughters

Today marks the 3rd month since my mom passed away. I came across this book called "Motherless Daughters" that I think I should read; however, I'm worried it may bring on the sad again. Or maybe it will heal. Not sure.  I've been sad a lot lately.  But I've been happy a lot too.  And not a day goes by where I don't think of some scene that involves my mother in a hospital bed.  When those flash into my head (usually at the most random instance) I immediately try and shift my thinking to fun memories I had with mom.  Like this.

(From my wedding in August 2007.)

 Or this.

(Minutes after Cavin was born. I've always loved this image.  I look like crap...I should!  I had been up for well over 24 hours. And after waiting all night for this moment, my mom is peering over her first grandson- camera in hand!)

Call me crazy but sometimes when I get pretty upset about something...something I would of typically talked to my mom about. I sit or lie in a quiet area in my bedroom, close my eyes, and think of what my mom would say to me in this moment.  I find this hard to do and it has only really worked for me once when she told me "Jamie!  You need to start asking for help!".  She was always telling me that. Because I tend to burden things by myself...something people who really know me, well know.  I'm blessed that I had so many talks with my mom and over time I'm hoping I find it easier to remember them in the future - if the damn hospital memories would just vanish!  So that's what I'll do: try and "ask for help".  I guess I'll start by reading "Motherless Daughters".

Came across some images that made me laugh recently.  I love tickling my boys.  I guess, among other things, mom gave me the tickle gene!

When I was going through some of my mom's things, I came across a gift I gave her one Mother's Day.  It was a silver frame with a picture of my mom and I embraced. I must of been maybe 6 or 7 years old in the picture.  I engraved a message on there that read:

"Mothers hold their children's hands for a while and their hearts forever.  Love, Jamie"

In this moment, no truer words have been spoken.