Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Interviewing Replacements

This morning Cavin became upset with me because I could not (poof!) create a pink hat out of thin air for him to wear today.  So he told me ever so directly and demanding that he wanted a new mommy.  At first I chucked.  We are used to Cavin's expression of how he's mad at us..."I'm going to throw you in the garbage!" or our current favorite - "I'm going to put you in traffic!"

"Really?" I said.  "And why is that?"

"Because I don't like you." he replied.

The morning went on and when he didn't get his way or I said for the 45th time that he could not have a piece of chocolate he announced his decision to replace me.  I have to admit my feelings were a bit hurt but I brushed it off with the excuse that he's 3 and, well, there were times in my past when I told my mother that I hated her and she was ruining my life.  So this isn't entirely out of the realm of normal.

Once we were in the car he divulged his plan of obtaining his new mommy.  He told me that I was to never come back and just WHO would replace me.  I'm a better mommy than her! I thought defensively.  Then quickly shaking my head realizing that 1) No I'm not.  I maybe be a better mommy to Cavin but not a better mommy in general terms and 2) Who am I to assume that reason exists in this 3 year old little brain?  I mean isn't this the same kid who threw a 45 minute tantrum last week (we are talking screaming / kicking / hitting for so long he was turning purple and losing his breath) all because his granola bar was broken in half?  Okay I thought This is just a phase.

Except I admit I couldn't let it go.  Driving down Cowell Road on the way to preschool I couldn't help but think how could this child that my entire universe was wrapped around, that I have lost MANY hours of sleep over, and taken countless days away from my job to cuddle the fevers away, and that I check on every night before I go to bed - how could he just up and decide that the mommy position was fungible.

I am being sensitive.  I know this.

We arrive at preschool and as he took in the new surroundings - the teacher telling a kid to 'clean up', his best friend playing with one of the older kids, a group of girls reading books in the corner - he turned around, hugged my legs, looked down at his feet and whispered over and over "I don't want you to go.  I don't want you to leave preschool."

"I know honey.  Don't worry...I will see you tonight."

Thanks Janessa for the sweet photo.

One more day with job security.

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