The 3rd of the month

I'm slowly but surely coming back to the blog.  I stand on a line between total sorrow and the necessity to move forward.  My kids, my husband, my friends...they make me move forward...and that's a good thing.  But the fact that she is clearly missing is heartbreaking.  Like when I think of calling her because while we toured a preschool Cavin randomly puked all over the place (she would of enjoyed that story).  Guess we can write that school off!  Or when Ellis is close to walking...or teething his molars...she's my first - and really only - call.  But that isn't there anymore and that's my new reality.

But then I have moments like yesterday...when I felt true happiness for a best friend's good news.  I smiled and laughed.  And it felt strange. But good.  Of course I usually would of called HER to tell HER the good news...because she cared a lot about that friend of mine.  Moving forward is good though. And smiling...well that's good too.

So this blog will be up and down for a while.  It has to be. There ARE great things going on (like my baby turning ONE!) but as good as I am at hiding things, there is sadness too...and that will come out as well.  I don't want to ignore the sad...but I want to highlight the fun things too (like football smash cakes!).

Tomorrow at 4:14pm marks one month since my mom died.