I've been putting off this post b/c I have struggled with the right words to describe the feelings I get when I think about my little guy being one year old. How did it go by so fast? How did he change so much before our very own eyes? And how could someone who is only 2.5 feet tall teach me so much about myself and my life?
Cavin - in your one short year of life, you have taught me patience. You have taught me how to shrug things off. You have taught me to play, smile, laugh, and to stop and appreciate the small things. You have literally made me slow down and look at the trees, and the light, and the flower, and the light, and the dog, and the light, and the cat, oh and the light, and the car, and the grass - and you've made me appreciate these things all over again. You have taught me to stop worrying about things that will occur in the future and to slow down and think about what is going on right now...because that is what is important. You have taught me that taking even the smallest risks (that first step) can lead to big rewards and that a tumble or two along the way can be a fun thing versus a disappointment. You have enforced the point that stumbles and mistakes are a necessary part of life and it is how we deal with them that define our character. You my dear boy, smile and laugh through everything and I've learned that I want to be just like that. So many times you are trying to be like your parents - mimicking our words, actions, what we eat, and how we do things. Yet I find myself watching you and how you do things...and wishing I was more like you...from your posture (seriously you've got strong core muscles) to your wonder, your concentration, the way you laugh through life.
I have learned to let go of the control and to hand you the reigns. You will grow and develop at your own pace. I used to think I had to control everything and if I made one wrong decision that you would end up in a hospital and, frankly, that was exhausting. You have taught me that I cannot control everything and that it can actually be FUN to wait and watch and anticipate when things will happen.
You have also reminded me how much I enjoyed photography back in high school. Not that I'm any good but you've allowed me this creative outlet that has made me happier...and you've given me some great shots to be proud of along the way. Same thing for music. I used to enjoy singing and, again, I don't have the most beautiful voice but you have provided an interested audience for me - however painful it has been to your ears.
My little bunny, you have made me a better person and a better wife. Raising you has been difficult for your daddy and I at times but over the course of the year has made us stronger as individuals but even more importantly as a couple. Sometimes when we start to raise our voices with each other, you start babbling really loud too, which forces us to laugh, gain perspective, and talk things out in a more rational matter. Both of us have become more understanding and patient because of you.
You have taught me that some things are just instinctual and to trust my intuition. Sometimes we don't know why we do things, how we know certain things, or why we feel the way we do but that you just have to go with your gut feeling. Kind of like when you are upset and just fall to the floor and roll on your back because it makes you feel better to release that frustration or when I know that you woke up crying because of a bad dream as opposed to teething or being sick. It is that certain cry that I cannot describe...but just know. Because you are my child. And I'm your mom. And I trust my intuition.
My co-worker and friend, Mimi, mentioned to me that she thought you would turn out to be a college professor when you grow up because you seemed to really focus in and study whatever toy you were playing with at the time. I look at how much you have taught me over just one year of life and think that she just might be onto something. Sometimes your concentration on one task will just amaze me. Times like that I think you are just like your daddy. But then sometimes you race from one end of the room to another attempting to accomplish 5 tasks at once. It is then that I think 'yep, you are mommy's child'.
I often sit and wonder who you will be when you grow up. What you will be like or look like when you are 7, 15, 21, or 30 years old. Will you be a bit of a trouble maker? Will you be a quite type? Will you be a professor, an artist, a doctor, or a small business owner? I sit and think what can I do here and now to ensure you remain happy, healthy, have a relationship with God, to receive from the world all the things that you deserve, and to give back to those in need? Should I be reading to you more? Telling you stories? Not allowing you to watch tv? Then I remember all you have taught me over the last year and realize the only thing I can do is to be the best mommy I can be…to lend you an ear when you need it and to comfort you when you are hurt. And I hope I am that to you little one.
Happy Birthday honey. I love you more than you will ever realize.
-Mommy
Cavin - in your one short year of life, you have taught me patience. You have taught me how to shrug things off. You have taught me to play, smile, laugh, and to stop and appreciate the small things. You have literally made me slow down and look at the trees, and the light, and the flower, and the light, and the dog, and the light, and the cat, oh and the light, and the car, and the grass - and you've made me appreciate these things all over again. You have taught me to stop worrying about things that will occur in the future and to slow down and think about what is going on right now...because that is what is important. You have taught me that taking even the smallest risks (that first step) can lead to big rewards and that a tumble or two along the way can be a fun thing versus a disappointment. You have enforced the point that stumbles and mistakes are a necessary part of life and it is how we deal with them that define our character. You my dear boy, smile and laugh through everything and I've learned that I want to be just like that. So many times you are trying to be like your parents - mimicking our words, actions, what we eat, and how we do things. Yet I find myself watching you and how you do things...and wishing I was more like you...from your posture (seriously you've got strong core muscles) to your wonder, your concentration, the way you laugh through life.
I have learned to let go of the control and to hand you the reigns. You will grow and develop at your own pace. I used to think I had to control everything and if I made one wrong decision that you would end up in a hospital and, frankly, that was exhausting. You have taught me that I cannot control everything and that it can actually be FUN to wait and watch and anticipate when things will happen.
You have also reminded me how much I enjoyed photography back in high school. Not that I'm any good but you've allowed me this creative outlet that has made me happier...and you've given me some great shots to be proud of along the way. Same thing for music. I used to enjoy singing and, again, I don't have the most beautiful voice but you have provided an interested audience for me - however painful it has been to your ears.
My little bunny, you have made me a better person and a better wife. Raising you has been difficult for your daddy and I at times but over the course of the year has made us stronger as individuals but even more importantly as a couple. Sometimes when we start to raise our voices with each other, you start babbling really loud too, which forces us to laugh, gain perspective, and talk things out in a more rational matter. Both of us have become more understanding and patient because of you.
You have taught me that some things are just instinctual and to trust my intuition. Sometimes we don't know why we do things, how we know certain things, or why we feel the way we do but that you just have to go with your gut feeling. Kind of like when you are upset and just fall to the floor and roll on your back because it makes you feel better to release that frustration or when I know that you woke up crying because of a bad dream as opposed to teething or being sick. It is that certain cry that I cannot describe...but just know. Because you are my child. And I'm your mom. And I trust my intuition.
My co-worker and friend, Mimi, mentioned to me that she thought you would turn out to be a college professor when you grow up because you seemed to really focus in and study whatever toy you were playing with at the time. I look at how much you have taught me over just one year of life and think that she just might be onto something. Sometimes your concentration on one task will just amaze me. Times like that I think you are just like your daddy. But then sometimes you race from one end of the room to another attempting to accomplish 5 tasks at once. It is then that I think 'yep, you are mommy's child'.
I often sit and wonder who you will be when you grow up. What you will be like or look like when you are 7, 15, 21, or 30 years old. Will you be a bit of a trouble maker? Will you be a quite type? Will you be a professor, an artist, a doctor, or a small business owner? I sit and think what can I do here and now to ensure you remain happy, healthy, have a relationship with God, to receive from the world all the things that you deserve, and to give back to those in need? Should I be reading to you more? Telling you stories? Not allowing you to watch tv? Then I remember all you have taught me over the last year and realize the only thing I can do is to be the best mommy I can be…to lend you an ear when you need it and to comfort you when you are hurt. And I hope I am that to you little one.
Happy Birthday honey. I love you more than you will ever realize.
-Mommy
2 comments:
Jamie, this is so beautiful! (I had to stop and run down the hall mid-way through this to grab a couple of tissues!) Happy 1st Birthday Cavin! You have such a special life and are loved so much!!! xoxoxo
such a sweet entry. love it :)
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