Life, back to 'normal'

So the dreaded day of every new mom's life has come and gone...the first day back to work after maternity leave. I cannot express how difficult it was to leave my baby and head back to work. I felt like I was leaving a part of me behind every day. Deep down, I knew it was the right thing for my family and for Cavin but I didn't feel ready. But I don't think any new mom is ready for that fateful day. Since then it has gotten better, then worse, then better.

On my first day back my co-worker asked me "How does it feel having everything back to normal again?" Oh how this question still makes me chuckle inside.

Normal. Hmmmm....I can honestly say my life will never be what it was before April 20th, 2009...and I've never been more grateful for that. 'Normal' before baby consisted of long work days followed by happy hour, catching up on my celebrity gossip on the bart ride home, dinner with Mike, playing with the dogs, catching up on my favorite tv shows, an early bedtime, and a full night's sleep.

Now, 'normal' means shorter work days with the same amount of work load and increased breaks to pump twice a day, work on the bart ride home, feed Cavin, play with Cavin, bathe Cavin, put Cavin to bed, late dinner while preparing bottles for the next day, logon to my computer to finish up some work from the day, pump before bed, clean my pump supplies, and go to bed late, wake up at 3am to feed Cavin (and lately we are up for another hour afterwards b/c someone is obsessed with rolling around in his crib instead of sleeping), and wake at 5:45am for the day.

Our definition of 'normal' is no where near what it was pre-baby and I wouldn't have it any other way. 'Normal' now is hearing the first rustle of my baby's movement through the monitor in the morning, rushing into his room to watch him wake up and take in the morning, standing there anxiously awaiting for him to notice me, and when he does, being on the receiving end of that enormous gummy smile that says "good morning mommy!". That's a 'normal' I'll trade in a full night's sleep for any day.