Finding Thanks

I'm working very hard to be thankful today.  You see here on Thanksgiving morning I sit in the ICU watching my mom breathe through her 3rd breathing tube and having her Thanksgiving meal down a feeding tube.  The up and down of her now almost 3 week stint in the hospital has added many wrinkles and gray hairs to my dad and myself.

But she is strong. And she is fighting.  And she's been showing more improvement than regression.

And although at times I feel like 2011 can bit my a$$ and November can suck it because I've seen more death, cancer, illness, and worry this year than I have my entire life, I do remember that 2011 brought me this

on February 4th...so I cannot complain entirely.  So, 2011, you made up for some of the heartache...and you've got one month to make the rest up to us before I kiss you goodbye.

So I'm digging deep.  Because my Thanksgiving is very different this year. And I'm mad...and sad...but somewhere deep down I find gratitude.

I am thankful for family.  My family.  Mike's family.  For the family that have reached out when we have really needed it.  For jumping on planes at the last minute because they know what is important.  For coming just to watch the boys b/c it helps.  I'm thankful for boys who tell me they miss me and other boys who call me "mamamama" even though they probably don't know what that really means. I'm thankful for little smiles from across the room.  And for a 'hands on' husband who thinks it ain't no thang to watch both boys 95% of the time while I tend to mom.

I'm thankful for friends....great friends.  Friends who have visited, dropped meals off at the hospital or at my home, and for surprise pies that showed up on my doorstep this morning.  Friends who have surprised me by taking me out to fancy lunches and feeding me duck and wine...you know...just because.  Friends who actually make me think I'm doing them a favor by borrowing their car for 5 days so my family can get to / from the hospital.  Friends who send cards and notes and artwork from their kids.  And friends who call to find out how we are doing and probe for things they can doing from states away.  I'm thankful for nurses and doctors who care.  For hospitals who operate like it is not a national holiday.  And for advanced medicine.  I'm thankful for hope.  And prayer.

But mostly I'm thankful for God blessing me with the best mom today.  Her strength, patience, and drive is something I wish I had even half of.

So Happy Thanksgiving everyone.  I hope and pray to have more to be thankful for in the coming days.