Her Daughter's Goodbye

I have been struggling with how to openly discuss my recent loss on here.  My thoughts are flooded with various emotions and words come flying out of my brain but then I don't capture them...and I guess I've been waiting for this perfect tribute of a blog post for my mom but I just couldn't piece together something beautiful yet that gives justice to the gift that I will call my mom's life here on earth.  So in turn, I'll share the following - my public goodbye to my mother at her service...

Thursday, January 12, 2012 at 1pm
Hughey Funeral Home, Mount Vernon, Illinois

"To be honest, I feel completely unprepared for this. For one, I am terrified of public speaking. Two, I feel like I’m working on my mom’s eulogy about 15 years to soon…and frankly, I thought I’d be able to pawn off this responsibility to one of my sons because a 16-18 year old boy would surely love the spot light more than myself. But, alas, here we are. And really…it isn’t a “responsibility”…it is an honor. An incredible honor to stand up in front of you, the most important people in my mom’s life, and speak about arguably one of the most incredibly women I have known.

I wanted to start by telling you what I know about my mom. First of all, she was spunky. She was a fire-y little one…even at just 5’3” she could light up a room with both her personality and in the sparkly clothes she was wearing. She really liked those bright colors too. Second she was strong. And I don’t mean in just the physical sense…although hiking mountains in Utah, walking two marathons, and nearly scratching the eye balls out of someone who, let’s just say ‘crossed’ my brother…well those things surely showed her body strength. But what I’m really referring to is her internal strength. Her drive, her diligence, her tenacity, her ability to take on just about anything that came her way and handle the obstacle with determination and grace…those things made Lois get through life with a smile. And we kids did NOT make that easy. We sure gave her a hard time. First off, she raised two boys under the age of 2 as a single mom. Okay, I’m here to tell you that is NOT easy. If Greg and Roger were anything like my two boys, mom should have been running for the hills. But she sure did love her boys and she never did get over losing [my brother] Roger. She would have done anything…anything to bring him back. I’m not sure how many times when I was sick or sad that she told me “pumpkin, I wish I could feel the pain you were feeling so that you wouldn’t have to”. And she meant it. Well, mom, I never truly understood how you could feel that way until I saw what you went through in the hospital. There were times when I wish I could have been in that bed instead of you.

But let’s back up, the last few months prior to her illness were filled with family, friends, her “grandbabies”, and of course Elvis. She traveled around the country following Elvis tribute artists (or “ETAs”), screaming like a little girl as she relived the good ‘ole days, and in general making 71 years of age look young. When she wasn’t following Cody [mom's favorite 'ETA'] around, she was usually on her way to California to see Cavin and Ellis under the guise that she was ‘helping us out’ when in reality we all knew that she was happiest with her grand babies.


The last few days prior to her hospitalization she helped me throw a Halloween party for our kids. Mom dressed as a witch, played outside with the boys, and spent the afternoon trying to get Cavin and his friend Jenna to hug and kiss one another. The next day we took the boys out trick-or-treating around the neighborhood. When I look back on the days prior to her hospital stay I truly think it could not of been more fun.


Her hospitalization was one of the most difficult two months in our lives. She was a fighter. And we were right there with her every step of the way. Her siblings flew all the way from here to CA to be by her side, massage her feet, take orders from mom, and relieve Papa and myself. Even mom herself said she felt so blessed to have the sisters and brothers that God blessed her with. I could not agree more. And my dad was relentless. He would claim he needed a break but he just could not leave mom. Something kept him there. As Jayne [one of mom's best friends who also spoke at the funeral] put it “there’s just that love that ties them together…forever”.


I will never understand how a vibrant, healthy 71 year old woman could be chasing her grand kids one day and then be hospitalized with atypical pneumonia 3 days later. But then again there’s a lot I don’t understand…
Now I’d like to tell you how I think her first few hours went in Heaven. When she reached Heaven’s gates I think Roger [my brother] was there to greet her. After all, he was always on the fore front of her mind. And I don’t doubt Roger was anxious to see his mom again. I’m pretty sure Grace [my grandmother who passed from breast cancer when mom was only 5] was anxiously awaiting mom’s arrival as well. Many of you know that mom and I walked 36 miles in the Avon walk every year…and in doing so we raised money for breast cancer research in Grace’s memory. There was one time in particular we were walking over the Golden Gate Bridge and mom was talking about how upset she was that she never got to know her mom. I recall her saying how she just wished she could have had more time with her. And how sometimes when she really thinks about it it made her very sad. I would always remind her that although Grace will always be her mom, God blessed her with another mother here on earth who cared for her. And Opal [my grandfather's second wife he remarried when Grace died - Opal raised my mother] sure did a wonderful job.

 So I’m sure Opal was somewhere right there behind Grace greeting mom with open arms. And then Roy [my grandfather]. Now I’m sure Roy wanted to be front and center to see Lois but he was NOT going to upset his wives. But as soon as he got close enough I’m sure he gave mom a big ‘ole bear hug! Now I was never old enough to really get to know my grandpa but what I was told about him is that he was obsessed with his grand kids. We were his pride and joy. Knowing that, I’m pretty sure mom told Roy something like “if you think Jamie and Clint [my cousin] were wonderful, you should meet MY grandbabies…Cavin, Ellis, and Grace!”

 Once she caught up on the stories, I imagine she marched right on up to God…because she needed to have some words with him. She had business to take care of. I imagine she stood next to God, pointed down to us and said “you see those people down there God? Those are my family. My friends. They were my everything. You make sure they are okay you hear? And if you don’t, well, you’ll have to answer to me.” God probably giggled but understood…because he is a parent too…and he understands the love and protection she has for us.


And then mom probably turned to God and said “Oh, and one more thing. Take me to Elvis!”"

You know what they say

You hang around someone long enough and you start to look alike!

Finding Thanks

I'm working very hard to be thankful today.  You see here on Thanksgiving morning I sit in the ICU watching my mom breathe through her 3rd breathing tube and having her Thanksgiving meal down a feeding tube.  The up and down of her now almost 3 week stint in the hospital has added many wrinkles and gray hairs to my dad and myself.

But she is strong. And she is fighting.  And she's been showing more improvement than regression.

And although at times I feel like 2011 can bit my a$$ and November can suck it because I've seen more death, cancer, illness, and worry this year than I have my entire life, I do remember that 2011 brought me this

on February 4th...so I cannot complain entirely.  So, 2011, you made up for some of the heartache...and you've got one month to make the rest up to us before I kiss you goodbye.

So I'm digging deep.  Because my Thanksgiving is very different this year. And I'm mad...and sad...but somewhere deep down I find gratitude.

I am thankful for family.  My family.  Mike's family.  For the family that have reached out when we have really needed it.  For jumping on planes at the last minute because they know what is important.  For coming just to watch the boys b/c it helps.  I'm thankful for boys who tell me they miss me and other boys who call me "mamamama" even though they probably don't know what that really means. I'm thankful for little smiles from across the room.  And for a 'hands on' husband who thinks it ain't no thang to watch both boys 95% of the time while I tend to mom.

I'm thankful for friends....great friends.  Friends who have visited, dropped meals off at the hospital or at my home, and for surprise pies that showed up on my doorstep this morning.  Friends who have surprised me by taking me out to fancy lunches and feeding me duck and wine...you know...just because.  Friends who actually make me think I'm doing them a favor by borrowing their car for 5 days so my family can get to / from the hospital.  Friends who send cards and notes and artwork from their kids.  And friends who call to find out how we are doing and probe for things they can doing from states away.  I'm thankful for nurses and doctors who care.  For hospitals who operate like it is not a national holiday.  And for advanced medicine.  I'm thankful for hope.  And prayer.

But mostly I'm thankful for God blessing me with the best mom today.  Her strength, patience, and drive is something I wish I had even half of.

So Happy Thanksgiving everyone.  I hope and pray to have more to be thankful for in the coming days.

One step forward, two steps back

Ellis is a diligent kid.  Although he is still a ways away from crawling he's working up to it.  He's strenthening his arms, legs, and attitude...and you can just plain tell he's ready.  Unfortunately for him he's traveling backwards.  But if you left something behind, he's got it!

It may be time to dust off the baby jail...

A BIG accomplishment (pun intended)!

Daddy won major points with his boys when he finished "Cavin's house" (according to the toddler) a couple months ago.  The boys are loving the swing, slide, sand pit, rest area, steering wheel, telescope, and play area.

And although I still stick to my 'this thing is way too big for our yard' stance, I cannot deny the smiles on the kids' faces.  All 3 of them.

The part that mommy likes?  The fact that Cavin points out what our neighbors are doing in their backyard!

Happy Seven Month Birthday Ellis!

(This post is a month and a half past due....the 8 month post is right behind this one...)

Yep, we are having fun around here.

This month was all about sitting up boot camp.  I was ready for Ellis to sit up on his own.  And, frankly, so was he.  So we worked and worked but his center of gravity is just a little higher than the normal 7 month old. That, coupled with his weight, meant it was going to take a little more work.  So instead he grew teeth!  His 4 one came in this month with the 5th one on the way.  No one in this house is happy with the 5th tooth.  We blame it for many sleepless nights and a big purple swollen spot on baby's gum that did not look pretty but did look painful. 

Ellis is all about the consonants though!  In the most exciting news this month (well, to me) he started saying "mamamama", proving he is physically able to call my name.  Now for him to do it on purpose (before he says "dada").  He loves to scream "gaga" too which I just love!  Ellis also likes to do funny things with his face, like crinkle his nose and breath in and out really fast...then giggle.

I cannot explain why...I just love this picture.  Maybe it is the look he's giving daddy.

Oh! And Ellis has been initiated into the official San Francisco bayarian club.  That is, he experienced his very first earthquake!  It was a magnitude 3.6 that happened at 11:36pm on August 23, 2011.  He and I were up just hanging out and cursing that 5th tooth.

Cavin thought it was funny to imitate baby and make fun of him for not being able to sit up on his own.  So here he is modeling cute Ellis...

And here's him modeling falling over Ellis...

Sooo hilarious Cavin.

Since we didn't have a pediatrician appointment this month I don't have stats but I can assure you, this kid is growing.

Happy 7 months big guy!

Well, hello there.

So apparently I've taken some time off of the blog.  I didn't quite realize this and I didn't plan it...it just happened.  I guess life got in the way and I needed to refocus on some things. The last quarter has brought about many changes...some unexpected and sad while others promising and comforting.  There's been bad news, grief, too much loss, heart break, and questioning.  But sprinkled in there has been some fun, laughter (like Cavin screaming that he doesn't like my singing), relaxing, and successes.  So instead I've been mentally documenting life.  The ups.  The downs.  And the turns.  And trying to make sense of it all but realizing that sometimes life just doesn't make sense.   

But that's about to change b/c my little brain can only hold on to so many stories before I need to start spilling them out.  And my dear friend the memory card...well she's got some good ones for you too.

So it's time to hunker down and move forward right?  Strap on your seat belts!